Thoughts on 2009

I'm trying my hand at the New Year's quiz done by two of my favorite bloggers, Linda and Mona. I know I'm getting it in just under the wire here, but hey, I've been in a Percocet haze for the last 48 hours or so.

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

I finished a 5K "fun run" with my dear friend, Peggy. I never thought I'd be able to run comfortably in public again, let alone for 3.2 miles. But I did it -- I finished.

I also shot a handgun (under supervision, at a shooting range). It was more enjoyable than I thought it would be, and I was pretty good at it. I couldn't get past the fact that the thing in my hand was specifically designed to end a life, though. *shudder*

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I think the only resolution I made last year was to take better care of my teeth. I did that, for the most part -- still working on the flossing.

This year, I'm setting specific, measurable goals with deadlines. One of them? To take the damn NCE and be done with my massage certification once and for all. Another is to resolve all of my seemingly never-ending medical issues (hernia, knee, facial cyst, and now gall bladder). I'll probably write more about these in a separate post.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not this year, but there's a very special baby scheduled to appear in the next couple of weeks!

Did anyone close to you die?

Not this year, thank goodness.

What countries did you visit?

I'm a regular in Lala Land.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

I'd like to have a little more patience, and make more time for friends. Also, five or ten extra mortgage payments would be nice.

What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

It's been a fairly uneventful year, to be honest. If I had to pick, I'd say Austin's first birthday, my 5K, and DC Pride.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I think, other than my 5K, I'm most proud of my vegetable garden. 2009 was the first year I had a full-blown vegetable patch, and actually managed to keep the plants alive AND generate edible produce.

What was your biggest failure?

I didn't take my NCE. I wanted to get it done in 2009, and I didn't.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Oh man...this has definitely been the year of body-fail for me. Incisional hernia, stomach viruses, suspected repeat hernia which turned out to be nothing despite excruciating pain, blown knee, and now (dun dun DAHHH) a faulty gall bladder.

What was the best thing you bought?

A brand-spankin' new kitchen. BEST. INVESTMENT. EVER.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

I vote for my friend Peggy. Like every year that I've known her, in 2009, she was selfless, generous, caring, and essentially the kind of person I aspire to be.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I have a couple of family members who hurt me very badly this year, and whose behavior not only puzzles me but deeply, deeply disturbs me. 'Nuff said.

Where did most of your money go?

Debt, debt, and more debt. *sigh*

What did you get really excited about?

Traveling to DC with my friends, the TikiHulaLuau Fest (aka Felicia's birthday party), concerts at the amphitheater, Lauren's pregnancy, the success of my friends Jason H (amazing fine art photographer) and Jason J (amazing wedding photographer), the Hubs's decision to pursue a nursing degree after completing his MBA.

Compared to this time last year, are you...

...happier or sadder? Happier, fo' shizzle.

...thinner or fatter? Thinner, I'm pretty sure.

...richer or poorer? Poor in money, but rich in love & friendship.

What do you wish you'd done more of?

I wish I'd done more writing. Less talking, more listening.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Eating. Spending. CONSUMING.

How did you spend Christmas?

I was surrounded by friends and family, cooked a ton of food, ate bunches, and enjoyed every minute of it.

Did you fall in love in 2009?

I'm very much in love with my little guy (not so little anymore!). And like every year, I found new reasons to love my Charlie (even when he was driving me batshit crazy).

What was your favorite television program?

LOST, with Heroes coming in a close second.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don't hate anyone, period. Life's too short to waste emotional energy on hate.

What was the best book you read?

I dug out my Madeline L'Engle books -- A Wrinkle In Time, A Wind In The Door, and A Swiftly Tilting Planet -- and re-read them. They're just as amazing as they were when I was 12.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

I rediscovered the Beach Boys, "Pet Sounds" in particular. So good, so very, very good. Thank you, Brian Wilson.

What did you want and get?

A Blackberry! And now I never put it down...bwahahahaha.

What did you want and not get?

I really wanted Austin to start talking, and he hasn't yet.

What was your favorite film of this year?

I know it didn't come out this year, but I watched "The Departed" about six thousand times. It's just the best.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen with my mom, went out for Indian food with the hubs, and had a smallish party at my house. I was 31.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

An honest-to-goodness vacation, to someplace tropical.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

"I hope these still fit." See also: Old Navy clearance rack.

What kept you sane?

Writing. Running. Friends. My mom. My kiddo.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ohhhhh...Matty MacFadyen, fo' reals. Hot MI-5 agent, Mr. Darcy, WHATEVER. Just give me some of that British hotness.

What political issue stirred you the most?

Gay marriage. To steal Mona's line, "Let them marry, bish!"

Who did you miss?

I miss my father-in-law. Chuck, if you're watching, I used extra butter just for you.

Who was the best new person you met?

Well, technically I met them in 2008, but Lauren and Jack are my two favorite peeps of '09.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

You can make your own family. And family is what you make of it.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"I feel so broke up, I wanna go home." (Beach Boys, "Sloop John B")

Silent All These Years

It's been a long time since I listened to Tori Amos. In high school, it was a daily thing. It fit perfectly with my emo/goth/friend o' the lesbians thing. I even got to see her perform at the Harrison Opera House - it was one of the first concerts I ever saw.

I remember singing these songs at the top of my lungs, shut up in my room with giant Koss headphones hooked up to my enormous (yet very cool at the time) bookshelf stereo system. Listening to them now is a bit different. My son sleeps upstairs and has no idea that Mommy is riding a piano down Amnesia Lane.

They're still amazing and intense, full of sadness and angst and quirkiness and sometimes rage. I still have the urge to sing at the top of my lungs, rocking back and forth, hammering my fingers on my desk like a piano keyboard. But that heart-wrenching teenage passion I felt is faded; it's given way to a sort of scarred sadness that hides underneath my daily self. The music's a stinging salve; memories burn, the scars pull taut, and sometimes I think what's hidden underneath will spill out and stain all the beauty that's in my life now.

Here We Go Again

I was drying myself off after a shower the other night, and felt a familiar bulge in my stomach. I pulled up what I lovingly refer to as "The Flap" (my huge post-baby gut thing) and saw a lump sticking out about the size of a large egg.

MotherFUCK. I know exactly what this is. Another goddamn hernia.

If you've been reading this here blog for a while, you may recall that back in February of this year, I discovered a similar lump in my belly that turned out to be an incisional hernia. I had surgery to repair it in March, and everything's been fine since then. At that time, my biggest concern was that I wouldn't be able to have more children after the surgery. My surgeon told me it would not be an issue, as long as I waited a year before getting pregnant. Cool, right? I could deal with that.

And now here we are six months later, and I have another hernia. It's not in the exact same place, but it's close. I have a sneaking suspicion that some of my guts are creeping out from the edge of the mesh that was installed (installed? like a dishwasher?) last time. I have to go back to my doctor and get another CT scan to be sure. At any rate, it means another surgery, another month off of work (and working out). And this time I'm not sure what the outlook will be on future babies.

I'm trying really hard not to be upset about this. Last time, I got very, very depressed -- the surgery derailed my fitness plans, and taking a month off of work was a big kick in our financial balls. This time, I'm angry. I want to know why this is happening. My first instinct is to blame my body ("Well, if you didn't have so much FAT pulling on your abs, this wouldn't happen!"), but I'm trying to let that go. I may have to just file the whole thing under "Shit Happens" and move on.

My mom, Charlie, and my personal trainer (you can read about him over at my other blog) have all been really supportive. Charlie gives me comfort, and Mom and Smith are keeping me from giving up on my fitness goals. I have awesome friends to hold me up, too. Overall, I'm a lucky gal. I'm trying to focus on that instead of the negatives.

Don't Wanna

I'm having one of those days where I want to hide under the covers. I know I'll feel better after I get a shower and a second cup of coffee. But right now? It is teh suck.

The weather is beautiful, Kid is behaving (sort of), Hubs got out the door with breakfast in his stomach and lunch in his bag. But something's bugging me, and I can't put my finger on it. I'm a little tired...a little frustrated about work...a little annoyed that the kitchen sink was full of dishes when I got up this morning. Hopefully I can shake it all off before I head to work in a bit. If not, it'll be Surly Day at Starbucks.

Sometimes

Sometimes I miss sleeping until noon. Sometimes. Lazily rolling over, maybe sitting up briefly to read the paper and schlurp some coffee. Nowhere to be, no deadlines, no timelines, just morning.

Mornings now: a burst of whirlwind energy - get up feed the kid let the dogs out feed the dogs clean up kid say goodbye to hubs let the dogs back in WHEW! Then hours of play - don't hit me with your truck, NOT NICE. After that, it's silence while the kid sleeps and I find ways to avoid what I really should be doing (housework writing cleaning organizing exercising). Try as I might, I usually end up flopped on the couch with a Diet Coke, watching movies on Netflix. As soon as he stirs upstairs, I realize what I've not done (dishes lunch prep exercise letters dogs need OUT!).

And so goes my day, most days. Some days I stay on the ball, hausfrau in overdrive, and Hubs comes home to order (clean house clothes folded dinner on the table). Not today. Today I want to be in the dark, with curtains drawn, under covers and alone.

iTunes Tells No Tales

I made a Twitter/Facebook post yesterday about Charlie's iTunes content; I was using his laptop, opened iTunes, and put it on shuffle. The results were a little scary. My friend Mike wanted to know what the "ten weirdest songs" were. That's hard to say, but here's his top ten most played:

1. "Boys of Summer" The Ataris

2. "I Drove All Night" Celine Dion

3. "Genie In A Bottle" Christina Aguilera

4. "White Flag" Dido

5. "Hot Stuff" Donna Summer

6. "Falls On Me" Fuel

7. "You and I Both" Jason Mraz

8. "One Step Closer" Linkin (I just threw up a little in my mouth) Park

9. "Miserable" Lit

10."Sweet Home Alabama" Lynyrd Skynyrd

To his credit, the highest play count on any of these is two. Meaning, he rarely listens to music on his computer. And these aren't the strangest or the most "O DEAR GOD WHO DID I MARRY"-inducing tunes, by far. I have the same reaction now that I did when I first perused his CD wallets, back when we were dating. Britney Spears? Ashlee Simpson? SAMANTHA FOX?! Holy hideous pop catalog, Batman!

Sometimes I wonder how he tolerates my music-nerdiness, my totally hypocritical snobbery about the pop music that I secretly enjoy. I wonder how a Camaro-driving, wrasslin'-watching, NASCAR-loving redneck ended up with me: the former emo queen, who only recently gave up vinyl for CDs, and downloaded more MP3s by more obscure bands than just about anybody I know. How did two such polar opposites end up dating, getting married, and having a kid? Oh yeah...'cause we make each other happy, we make each other laugh, and (maybe most importantly) all these little quirks actually bring us closer together. I tolerate Staind, he tolerates my random OCD urges to do stuff like, oh, count the silverware in the middle of the night.

Quick Update

Just a quick kitchen/life-in-general update on a busy Sunday:

1. The electrical work is all done. I have lights, with switches in spots that actually make sense. Like, the switch for my back porch light is now by the door that leads to the back porch, instead of, you know, OVER MY WASHING MACHINE IN THE NEXT ROOM.

2. The plumbing is all done. No more house o' horrors plumbing, and a minor bathroom plumbing leak we discovered has been fixed (thanks, David and Orefice Plumbing!).

3. El Heep is fixed! No more god-awful squeal from the dying alternator.

4. We're scheduling the wall guy to come this week, which means floors can go in next weekend as planned. It also means that once the walls are up, I have to paint the whole kitchen by Friday. Anybody want to come help? Anyone? Anyone...?

5. My garden is putting out about two pints of cherry tomatoes a day. HOLY COW, that's a lotta tomatas.

6. If I eat any more take-out, I may die of MSG poisoning.

And now it's time to fly...have to go check out my MIL's house (her painters are done), meet Liz at Xways for coffee and free art (wooooo!), and then head to Shannon's for her going away party. Whew. Oh yeah, and we're picking up paint on the way home. Double whew!