09 September 2009

Here We Go Again

I was drying myself off after a shower the other night, and felt a familiar bulge in my stomach. I pulled up what I lovingly refer to as "The Flap" (my huge post-baby gut thing) and saw a lump sticking out about the size of a large egg.

MotherFUCK. I know exactly what this is. Another goddamn hernia.

If you've been reading this here blog for a while, you may recall that back in February of this year, I discovered a similar lump in my belly that turned out to be an incisional hernia. I had surgery to repair it in March, and everything's been fine since then. At that time, my biggest concern was that I wouldn't be able to have more children after the surgery. My surgeon told me it would not be an issue, as long as I waited a year before getting pregnant. Cool, right? I could deal with that.

And now here we are six months later, and I have another hernia. It's not in the exact same place, but it's close. I have a sneaking suspicion that some of my guts are creeping out from the edge of the mesh that was installed (installed? like a dishwasher?) last time. I have to go back to my doctor and get another CT scan to be sure. At any rate, it means another surgery, another month off of work (and working out). And this time I'm not sure what the outlook will be on future babies.

I'm trying really hard not to be upset about this. Last time, I got very, very depressed -- the surgery derailed my fitness plans, and taking a month off of work was a big kick in our financial balls. This time, I'm angry. I want to know why this is happening. My first instinct is to blame my body ("Well, if you didn't have so much FAT pulling on your abs, this wouldn't happen!"), but I'm trying to let that go. I may have to just file the whole thing under "Shit Happens" and move on.

My mom, Charlie, and my personal trainer (you can read about him over at my other blog) have all been really supportive. Charlie gives me comfort, and Mom and Smith are keeping me from giving up on my fitness goals. I have awesome friends to hold me up, too. Overall, I'm a lucky gal. I'm trying to focus on that instead of the negatives.

1 comment:

  1. {{big big hug}} I can't even imagine, Jenny. Don't beat yourself up - totally not worth it, and it's not your fault. At least this is fixable. :) Ry and I will definitely be praying for you: quick recovery, future babies, and complete healing.