25 September 2009

Things They Don't Tell You About Husbands

You'd think that since Charlie and I lived together before we got married, there wouldn't be a whole lot of surprises. I have news for you, kids. It's just like a box of Cracker Jack; there's ALWAYS a surprise, and most of the time it sucks. Here's a few of my favorites:

1. When you really need to pee, he will camp out in the bathroom and take a paint-melting, bowl-shaking, stinkier than a bullfrog's armpit, giant explosive CRAP. And fail to use either the exhaust fan OR the air freshener. Ideally, this will occur in the downstairs bathroom, about three seconds before dinner guests arrive.

2. It will seem at times that the longer you are married, the dumber (or deafer) he gets. The truth is, he's acting dumb on purpose so that you will stop asking him to do things.

3. He will go get you Krispy Kremes at ten o'clock at night. (Or refuse to get them for you, depending on your current diet status.) He'll also eat them in bed with you while watching old movies.

4. Occasional gifts will become less romantic and more practical. Perfect example: Last night, I was given a pooper scooper. Because, you know, nothing says "I love you" like a set of tongs used to scrape dog dookie off the grass.

5. Not much has changed since he was ten. He still likes cereal, Transformers, and fart jokes. Now he just knows about BJs.

6. You will love him more and more every day, even when he tells you his favorite show of all time is "Saved By The Bell."

This one's for you, Hubs. I love you!
You Drive Me Crazy in the Best of All Possible Ways

No comments:

Post a Comment